December 2009
17 Interesting Tricks of the Body - http://cli.gs/bod17
The tweet fairy came last night. I got a note that said maybe I should try flossing more - Brian D. Kelley
Middle age is the time of life that a man first notices in his wife - R. Armour
Another term for balloon is bad breath holder - Demetri Martin
Anybody can direct, but there are only eleven good writers - Mel Brooks
Make crime pay -become a lawyer
The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything
Never play strip poker with a nudist
GSM cracked - is your phone in danger of eavesdropping tries? http://cli.gs/GSM411
RT @kiddictionary They should have Pregnant Twister. Where the colored circles come to YOU.
Dogs shed; cats shred
Running a business is no trouble at all, as long as it is not yours
RT @TrudePresttun: Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. George Burns
Dogs have owners; cats have staff
Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off
Once you’ve put one of his books down, you simply can’t pick it up again - Mark Twain
And so the countdown begins….
There are three ways to get things done: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it
RT @CinderallaJoey You know you’ve eaten 2 much on holidays when the cat digs a nest in your stomach, lays down, & delivers kittens
If you are dyslexic does life sometimes give you melons?
16 candles burnt at both edges simultaneously make a party deep in meaning and low in fun - Brian D. Kelley
I like to think outside the quadrilateral parallelogram
If all the world’s a stage, I want to operate the trap door - Paul Beatty
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific - Lily Tomlin
I hate the country - all those animals walking around uncooked
Dealing with a problem Child… - http://cli.gs/probKid
How old must a highway be before you tell it is is adopted
War is the only way most people learn geography
A receiver is appointed by the court to take what’s left - Robert Frost
Eskimos doing Tai Chi… http://cli.gs/TaiChi
Ever wonder what a nuke would do to where you live? - http://cli.gs/GZero
A receiver is appointed by the court to take what’s left - Robert Frost
Half of the time men think they are talking business they are wasting time - E. W. H.
Auditors n., people who after a war stab the wounded again
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot - Steven Wright
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? - Robin Williams
I don’t suffer from stress, I am a carrier
My computer is 7 years old. What is that in human years?
My computer is 7 years old. What is that in human years?
All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner - Red Skelton
I was reading a book called ‘The History Of Glue.’ I couldn’t put it down…
Sleep is still the best medicine against insomnia … RT @RobinofLoxley
He who slings mud generally loses ground
The Dark Ages was caused by the Y1K problem
Teamwork means never having to take the blame yourself
Hangover: the wrath of grapes
Questionable Definitions - Acrobat - n., genetic mix of a bird and a flying mammal
His luggage was questionable. No one made a clear plastic zip bag big enough for the needed gels - Brian D. Kelley
Those who stand for nothing fall for anything - Alexander Hamilton
Two parrots sat on a perch. One said to the other, “Do you smell fish?”